


Choices and a Lack Thereof

by Listless_Songbird



Series: Gateway Therapy [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: I have a lot of emotions about what Jon was been doing up till now, Post-Episode 147, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 09:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20094946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Listless_Songbird/pseuds/Listless_Songbird
Summary: Jon and Helen discuss how he’s gotten to where he is





	Choices and a Lack Thereof

[RECORDER CLICKS ON]

(The sound of a tentative knock, followed by a more forceful one)

[A DOOR OPENS]

JON: (somewhat awkwardly) Daisy said she came to see you. That you helped. With- with the Hunger. 

HELEN: Did she? Well i'm certainly glad she’s doing better. You, however are doing worse than when I last saw you and considering how our last conversation ended thats an achievement Archivist

JON: (irritated) Yes. Im aware. 

HELEN: Are you? You’re starving yourself again.

[THE DOOR CLOSES]

JON: Its- I shouldn’t be going out, stalking the streets, just _ eating _ people’s trauma.

(A hum echoes through the room, its sharp in a way the makes the tape deck skip over milliseconds while recording) 

HELEN: Im not the person to agree with that statement. Which, perhaps, is why you expressed it to me. If you’re looking for condemnation for this you won’t find it here. 

(A pause for a response. When none are forthcoming she continues) 

HELEN: So instead of attempting to find a different solution you’re going cold turkey. Completely stopping any and all Feeding the Known-and-Knowing? 

JON: (incredulous) Its not like I can- what, only take half a statement and walk away. 

HELEN: I don’t know can you? Have you tried?

JON: …No

HELEN: And why not? By your logic it wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as adding a new person to your Seen.

JON: (frustrated) I can’t because once I get started I never want to stop.

I don’t even want to stop now, i'm only doing it because Basira and Melanie are watching me like hawks. But I _ can _ stop. That at least is under my control, Annabelle has made that clear. So i'm stopping. 

But I don’t _ want _ to. 

And im Hungry all the time now, and Daisy said you told her how to change things so that she could, feed? The Hunt. 

HELEN: The Pursuit for her but yes. I did. It isn’t that easy for you however. 

JON: Of course its not. Because when has anything about this ever been easy for me. 

(A faint crackle begins. Not static but the sound of snapping bones spun into itself in fractals of waveforms)

HELEN: (irritated and slightly condescending) The world does not revolve around you Archivist. It doesn’t even revolve around our gods, no matter what many of many of our peers might protest. 

It revolves around choices. And you, _ Jon_. Are very bad at making them. 

JON: (exasperated) Yes im _ aware _ that I make poor choices. Its been made _ very _ clear on that front. 

HELEN: (still irritated) For a person who needs knowledge to survive you’re very bad at listening. 

I said you were bad at _ making _ choices. I don’t particularly care what you choose when you choose it. I'm not that interested in your life and have no desire to be. You spend too much time spinning your thoughts round and round an issue never actually _ seeing _ it and instead drawing the wrong conclusions constantly because you refuse to look deeper. It was amusing at first, when my Me was Michael. But now I am left with nothing to interest me in your constant questions that lead you in circles just as thoroughly as if you were within my halls. 

My me as Helen has little patience for the long form turns and twists of where the path of others lives made lead them. I enjoy results and decision much more. And so your lack of progress in frankly any way but towards a panicked meandering melancholy bores me. 

(A pause as if to consider something)

HELEN: (curiously) Can you, for instance, name a single choice you have intentionally made since you woke and claimed the Archivist as your own?

JON: I- (incredulously) _ What_? 

HELEN: You attempt to justify your _ actions _ plenty, to yourself, to the others here in your place of power, what would be a place of your control if you made an effort. You even attempted to justify yourself to _ me _ . But have they been your _ choices? _

JON: (confused but letting out a tired sigh)Yes. Yes they’ve been my choices. They’ve- I have to accept responsibility for what I- I need to start to accepting responsibility for the consequences of my actions. 

HELEN: You do, that’s true. 

(The crackle grows louder with the addition of a tenor rhythm, the rapid knocking of a door)

HELEN: (suddenly irritated) But once again you miss the point and I am growing _ bored_. Archivist, of speaking when you will not _ listen _. 

Those are your actions. You acted on instinct without forethought. You still haven’t told me a single _ choice _ you’ve made. 

JON: (frustrated) I'm not sure if you remember but I tore out the Statements from random strangers for a _ snack_. 

HELEN: (flatly, the crackle still in the background) No. That was simply feeding your Hunger. Doing so on instinct. We, us dead who live through our bonds to things beyond us don’t choose that. Until, I suppose, we’re aware of the means it. Until we’ve been forced to confront the consequences, as you put it, of them. Feeding your Ceaseless Watcher _ now _ would be a choice. 

(a sigh) But once again you’re playing along with the path set to you by others. Try again. 

JON: Im not-

HELEN: (interrupting) Try _again_ Archivist. 

JON: The coffin- I went into the coffin and made a _ series _ of poor choices involved in readying myself for that. 

(A hum, considering. The noise fades off to echo within the crackle)

HELEN: No, that’s an action. Much like removing Melanie’s bullet. There was a problem, you solved it. Simple one-two path with no forethought. 

JON: (angrily) Well what do you define a _ choice_. _ Helen_. 

(The crackle swells in volume. Jon appears to finally notice it and takes a step back)

HELEN: (sharp and frustrated) I am _ trying _ to help you. _ Jon_. I can just as easily leave you to your Hunger. 

You need to _ listen_. 

You are waiting, waiting, _ waiting _ to be told what to do, where to go and how to take on this legacy of the Archivist and you do not _ look _ to see what other options you have at your disposal! I _ cannot _ tell you what to do to sate your Hunger because telling you what to do is _ missing the entire point. _

[A DOOR OPENS]

(The crackle abruptly stops, and the silence seems to echo with it) 

HELEN: (almost gently) Start making choices Archivist, I am losing the desire to even to care what you choose. But choose _ something _. You‘ll hate yourself less. 

[THE DOOR CLOSES]

(Jon collapses heavy into his chair. A sigh so rough it could be a growl, could be a sob cuts through the silence. His breathing becomes slow and measured and there’s a long moment where it is the only thing heard besides the ever present recorder.)

JON: (muffled, as if whispered into his hands) Fuck.

[RECORDER CLICKS OFF]

**Author's Note:**

> Think! On! Your! Actions! Jon!  
Make! Choices!
> 
> Okay im done. im just *handwaves* irritated I suppose at Jon's im a Monster and I like? It? Maybe? position mentally bc he Has Not Decided to do _anything_ about it. 
> 
> Wip title was Rest in Peace Jon- Dragged by a door.


End file.
